Dedication

So for this post I decided to dedicate it to my sister Nikki. She is one of my closet friends, and I trust her with my life. Things haven't always been easy between us and I know that they won't always be easy. But even when things go wrong one thing remains, she is my sister and I would give up my life to keep her safe.

Things haven't been easy for her, and when things like that come I tend to be over protective of her. There are times I wish I could forget, I wish I could forget any time I ever almost lost her. She has had a semi-hard life and I wish I could do more to help her and it pains me that I can't.

She is going to be 20 in 3 days, I am scared the fact that she's growing up, it makes me sad that I have to think that one day...she's just going to be gone.

But I've decided to reflect on the good things...
I'll never forget last year on my birthday when me and her were leaving Confessions Of A Shopaholic and it was raining really hard, We were about ready to leave the parking lot when the windshield wipers broke on us, so I called our dad and he told us to stay where we were and that he was coming. Well me and Nikki decided we were hungry so we walked over to Save A Lot to get something to eat and drink. It may have been raining hard on the way to the store and on the way back, but it sure made for a great walk in the rain.

Also I remember when we'd go to movies, and go to the store together. Sometimes we did boring things that I never thought I'd look back on and smile, but every time I look back I can't help but smile.

Sure things change but it doesn't have to change us. No matter what happens she'll always be my sister Nicole Louise, she'll always be born on January 26th 1990, and she'll always have blue eyes.

I'll never forget the times we cried, laugh, loved, hugged, and did odd things. I'll never forget who she was, who she is, and who she will be.

So heres to you my sister...Who is way cuter then the beast. I love you Nikki.

My Sister's

There's no such love like sister love is there? Nope I would have to say no. I have two sisters, Nicole(But I call her Nikki) and Rachel.

Nikki is 19, and she is soon to be 20. Her turning 20 comes with a few hard thoughts on my part, like
1. She won't be there for me like she used to be.
2. That no matter what she is growing up(and away).
3. That one day she's just not going to be here anymore.
But the one thing that's hardest for me to do is honestly sometimes, is just to love her. I mean don't get me wrong I do LOVE her...but she's never here anymore, and I feel sometimes like she just doesn't care about me anymore. She's grown up a lot and changed in a few short months and it's hard to see her the same anymore. I miss who she used to be.

Rachel is 16, she'll be 17 in September. She is very into art and is an amazing artist. she is sometimes just the glue that holds me and my sanity together. She's there for me when I need her most. Sometimes I think I'm not half the sister she is to me, and that's true in a lot of ways...
1. She's sweet...I'm not
2. She's quiet...I'm not
3. She's loving...I'm not always
4. She listens...I don't
5. She's gentle...Unless with kids, I'm not always.
We're two different people, but something holds us together and that would be God.

I love my sisters with all my heart. Those are my sisters love them or hate them, I could care less, cause I love them.

Oh by the way...the picture was done by Rachel.

True Friends

We all hope to have one. That one person you can tell everything to, cry to, talk to, be random with, and yell at but still remain close. That one person you wouldn't trade for anything, the one who helps you when your problems seem to big and you seem too small, the one who for some reason loves every flaw and imperfection, who accepts every dumb moment, who accepts you at your worst, and loves you at your best. Everyone wants one, everyone needs one. But why are they so hard to find?

People say "In order to get a friend, you have to be a friend." And that is very true, you can't just get a friend, you have to work, they have to work and you guys meet each other half way. But why is it so hard to just say "I want to be the friend to someone, and be the friend to them I wish to have."

But the thing is people think that you can only have 1 true friend...I wouldn't agree with that I have 3 true friends but each for a different reason...

Shelby: She was my first friend ever...she stood by my side if I needed her or not, we have two different personalities, but that doesn't affect us. If I had to say one thing about her...I can't just pick one, cause there are a hundred things that make her, her to me.
Miriam: Miriam is my second friend. Me and her have had ups and downs, but one thing always remained the same, we could play the dumbest games ever, but have the best time doing it. When she moved I thought you know 'Things are going to change' but they haven't changed we're still friends, and she can make me laugh a lot and in 3 words I love her.
Christi: Christi may be my third friend but she knows the most about me, and yet still loves me. We've had hard times where I would rather not have been friends, but then we would make up and I'd realize why she was my friend to begin with, she's the one who knows when I'm lying and won't accept it in any way shape or form and I love that about her.

Me and my friends, We're all different people but we all also came half way to the other and tried to be the friend we wanted to have ourselves. Friends are a piece of work but they're the ones who push us to our limits and love us even if we've had it with them.

Friends in 3 words: They're worth it.

Life Always Goes On.

A wise person once said "A person dies, we all say, 'It wasn't their time to die.' But who are we to say when it's the time to die? We live as long as God intends us to live." How true that is, I think that the hardest part of death is accepting it. I know my share of death when I was 6 my Grandpa died, when I was 7 my Uncle Bill Died, when I was 8 my Great Grandpa Setter died, and when I was 9 and 363 days old my sister's friend/ex-boyfriend died.

Through all of them I always said "It wasn't their time." and "Why did they have to go?" Which I think is normal to wonder and think. People always say "There's a plan for you, and it involved those deaths." or "God loves you, God loves everyone, He has a special place for them with Him." And until the death of my sister's friend I accepted that.

But on March 5th 2005 I decided to have nothing to do with God. I blamed him for my sister's friends death, I said "God, you could have stopped this from happening. So why didn't you? What did I do? What did HE do? He was only 16 God! Why him?! God I'm turning 10 in 2 days...are you punishing me? Then why not take me? You really don't love anyone." And I walked away, and it was that simple for me, that one death pushed me to where I thought I would never be...Pushing God away.

I stayed that way until January of 2009, almost 4 years later. I was at my friend's Grandpa's funeral (my LEAST favorite place), I left the room I walked to a room where I could be alone and I cried, I cried out to my Grandpa I asked him for a sign, I needed something to hold on to, something to let me know I'm safe, I wasn't sure what it was I needed but I needed it.

Later that month I got my sign in a form of a wake-up call. I was sitting alone in my room, and I just started crying, I didn't know why, but I just could now stop. I remember saying to God "Ok, I'm tired of running, here I am." And then I learned how to move on, all the deaths had an impact, one sent me running, but one pulled me back in. People always say "life goes on." And that's true.

But What I say is "Life will never be perfect, You're life will will go against what you want 50% of the time, You will yell at the ones you love, Hate the ones who love you, and feel like EVERYONE is against you. But no matter what God will ALWAYS show you just HOW to let life go on. It's never a matter of when, but how."

So will you let life go on?

Change

That's no one's favorite word, in fact it's one we'd rather wish it to never happen then let it happen, but change is inevitable. Change is a 6 letter word that can be good or bad. The definition in the dictionary is "To make the form, nature, content, future course, etc., of (something) different from what it is or from what it would be if left alone." And it's true, we could rather it whatever it is be left alone then to have it change, or we could wish that it would change, but it may never change.

Does it ever seem like Change happens right when you got used to the old? When you'd rather keep everything the same? Doesn't it stink when that happens? Like you don't know what to do or think? If you say yes then you and I are thinking the same thing. See right now I'm going through a lot of change for me, and it's hard to go through but not impossible for me to make it through.

Sometimes I feel like it's no where near possible for me to accept, let alone be ok with change, sometimes I'd rather it not happen. I'd rater everything stay the way it is but you know what? When I think of what's changing I think of what it could be, and what it WILL be. I know the change I'm going through will either shape me or break me, (for my sake I hope it shapes me) but I know it will have an impact one way or another on who I will be.

God is the God of not only change but love, I know this all is in His plan for me, but I bet whatever you're going through is in His plan for you too. God is an awesome God and everything will work out. Now heres a question...

Do you trust him enough to let Him work out His plan in your life?

Miley Cyrus...

Does anyone even like Miley Cyrus anymore?
Well I'm not sure anyone really likes her anymore, But I know I'm not a fan anymore.
I used to be a completely huge fan of her, But you know something changed, I wasn't sure if it was me or her, then I thought about it...it was Her. If you've paid attention to her lately you noticed she has been making very poor choices (ie. Dating older guys, wearing revealing clothing, wearing short shorts, making out with guys on a beach?! Things someone claiming purity shouldn't be doing) one I can't agree with nor support. I wonder 'Where are her Parents?' but they just never seem to be there. So I wonder is it her trying to get America's attention? Or is she trying to get her Parent's attention?
You know I would normally say all the changes are ok, but it's really not because she has little kids looking up to her but she doesn't seem to act like she cares anymore. Because if she really understands kids want to be just like her, would she act that way? Would she really want a kid to act that way?
But you know there is one girl looking up to her whose already turning into her...can you guess...Noah Cyrus.
Does it all look innocent guess how old she is...10. How old was she when that picture was taken? she wasn't 10 but 9. 9 Years old and dressed like that. People say it's innocent...but is it? is it really innocent? Would YOU let your kid or sister or anyone dress in that at 9? sure she's at a costume party, but that's a little too short to be wearing at 9. Now you may not agree but it's something I've been noticing and to tell you the truth it's quite frightening, I worry for both of them. We don't need another Paris or Brittany. All we need is someone who says what they believe and actually act like it (in case you didn't know they're 'Christian's'). What do you think? Do you agree or disagree? I pray God will help us, and them. And I hope that Celebrities will stop falling and taking some kids down with them.